17 Jul 2019 22:36:52
Top Ten Worst Movies I've Seen:

10 - Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2.

At university having student discount meant seeing a lot of films. Some of us formed a cinema club. We'd go see a couple of films a week and take it in turns to suggest a film. One weekend this was the suggested film. I'll admit I've not seen it since so my memories of it are coloured by just one viewing many years ago. But it was bad. Very little suspense, no moments to make you jump. Poor writing, poor acting, poor direction, poor script, poor story. Just bad. Best to be avoided.

9 - Oliver.

I like a good musical. This isn't one. I'll admit like most grown-ups I dislike Dickens from having been forced to read them at school. They are very dated books that when adapted must stick close to the source period. They can't be modernised like several of the Shakespeare plays can and indeed have been. That said Dickens was a great campaigner for social reform and books like Oliver were at the forefront of that. However, I think it's a very poor choice to be turned into a musical. It's a grim subject matter, with the cruelty of mid-19th orphanages, children being turned in criminals in a form of slavery, the murder of Nancy and the general vileness of Fagin and Bill Sykes. Yet we have cheery cute kids singing cheery cute songs. Just a no from me. Most of the songs are poor. Acting's of variable quality. But I mainly dislike it for the way the subject matter is trivialised.

8 - Oceans 12.

The first film was a good crime caper with an ensemble cast. This is the difficult second movie. You can tell the cast are all good friends as there seems to be very little acting going on, just guys who like each other hanging out. what turns it into a bad film though is the sloppy writing, the near lack of plot, the fact that they are all so matey and then the elephant in room. With half of the gang in prison and the time ticking to pull off the latest heist the entire plan is 'lets bring in Danny Oceans wife Tess and have her pretend to be Hollywood superstar Julia Roberts because she looks just like her. ' Considering as Tess is played by one Julia Roberts indeed there's an uncannot resemblance. That's it, that's the entire plan. Lazy terrible writing. Add to that a cameo from Bruce Willis who clearly looks bemused by the whole affair and it just drags what could've been a middling but entertaining film into an experience that just derails the whole movie.

7 - Catwoman.

Awful film, awfully made, awfully written. Nothing redeeming about it at all. How Halle Berry ever won an Oscar is beyond me. Totally over-rated actress. It won something like 4 Golden Raspberries. Tells you all you need to know about this film.

6 - Batman and Robin.

The film that effectively killed the franchise until the Nolan reboot. This film ended a few careers. Clooney was a risk as Batman and so it proved. Whilst he was one of the few to go on to have a career at the top in Hollywood, he just wasn't convincing as either the Bat or Bruce Wayne. It was a cartoon and a merchandise seller before anything else. At this point the franchise had ran out of steam and needed a rest before going back to its roots. Its difficult to give any single reason why its so bad, it just has to be watched to be believed.

5 - The Force Awakens.

Its just a remake of A New Hope. And not even a good one at that. Desert Planet. Check. Orphan with tech skills and able to pilot. Check. A child friendly droid with top secret information which is plans for a superweapon. Check. Superweapon is a planet sized planet killer. Check. Its worrying when the best character in it is the aforementioned droid. Both Finn and Poe had potential (sadly squandered in the follow up) . Rey came across as annoying and smug. Can suddenly do everything she attempts. Sure, people draw parallels with Luke and even Anakin, but they also made errors and got things wrong along the way. Rey's just Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way. Even the fight at the end is ludicrous. Never held a lightsaber before but goes toe to toe with someone who's been trained since a young age.

4 - Pearl Harbor.

No how not to make a war film as my history lecturer said. The good points. The effects of the attack were good. It looked good. Kate Beckinsale. The bad points. The wooden acting. The lengthy run time. The whole final act. In short there's a love triangle between nurse Kate Beckinsale and two pilots. One goes off to fight in the Battle of Britain, singlehandedly winning it or something like that but then is killed. Kate and his grieving buddy then fall for each other only for the dead guy to turn up alive. On finding out his buddy and his girl have been getting it on he's not happy but then the Japanese show up. As I said the raid portion is good. Then the film goes off on a tangent. In order for a domestic audience to leave the cinema feeling happy they tacked on an extra hour or so (honestly it felt longer) that's effectively a mini movie in a movie, which shows the American response to the raid by conducting a raid of their won. The Doolittle raid. Something that had no military impact at all but was a propaganda boost for the Americans. Our two feuding heroes both sign up. Despite being single engine pilots they're both able to become twin engine bomber pilots in what seems like days and then learn to fly bombers of an aircraft carrier. Something most said couldn't be done and took some skill from some of the best pilots America could find. Now pilots did switch from fighters to bombers, or vice versa, but it did take months of training, and that's without practicing short take offs necessary to launch form an aircraft carrier. So personally, its stretching credulity a bit far. Of course, they also need to wrap up the love triangle and rather than leaving it to the woman to choose who she wants they decide to kill one of the guys off, conveniently in the others arms so he can make the other promise to look after Kate. Its long, its contrived and by the time the ending comes it's gotten boring.

3 - The Greatest Showman.

I got talked into seeing this because of all the hype. 'everyone says it's really good. ' Well it isn't. There's very little story. It just consists of Barnum being an idiot or upsetting someone or having another daft scheme which only serves to link into a song. Of course, it's a musical, the songs are the main point. But the linking scenes usually exist to drive the plot, give exposition. Here there all just set up for the songs. Which wouldn't be so bad if the songs are any good. But they aren't. Far from it. Most of them are forgettable. Same as most of the cast. The freak acts are brought in then never developed, they just come in and are forgotten as Barnum flits to his latest project. Now that may or may not have been true to life, but it just seemed hurried in the film. And they just accepted it quietly and walked off singing another forgettable number. Over-rated and disappointing.

2 - The Lady in the Van.

Another I was talked into seeing. 'It's Alan Bennett it'll be good. ' I've never been so bored during a film. Nothing happens. There is no story. A woman parks a van on his drive, and he doesn't move her off. She stays there for 15 years. That's it. Avoid like the plague. In fact, given the choice of sitting through this again or the plague pass me the chicken soup.

1 - The Last Jedi

What else could it have been? The film that killed Star Wars. Honestly its that bad. The potential of Poe and Fin is thrown away. New character Rose botches every job she's given and when Finn finally has something worthwhile to do and goes to make the ultimate sacrifice to save the resistance, she manages to scupper that for him. What they do with Luke was totally against character. They kill Ackbar off only to replace him with one of the worst characters I've ever seen in a movie, who then goes to do something that would've worked well better with a familiar character and fan favourite like Ackbar. Plus, also with Ackbar doing the suicide hyperdrive run he could have used his most famous line. Check out the How it should've ended parody, well worth 5 minutes of your time. The whole story is lame. The effects aren't that great. The acting is patchy (although same can be said for the rest of the films) . Truly terrible and leaves a lot for the rest film to recover. Disney should've had the balls to pull it, refilm it and release it. They'd have picked the costs back up easy enough.

1.) 18 Jul 2019
18 Jul 2019 18:24:47
I agree with 3 of them, because I haven't watch the other 7 yet.

If I were to do my own list, I would do it by genres; there are loads of crap movies I couldn't list just 10 of them.

2.) 19 Jul 2019
19 Jul 2019 15:31:11
The Sphere.

I still have no bloody idea what it was about.

3.) 19 Jul 2019
19 Jul 2019 16:51:13
To be honest I had to try an keep it down to just 10 so I picked ones I'd seen that really bugged me.

4.) 20 Jul 2019
20 Jul 2019 08:42:04
Open water is also a terrible film, but there are a whole host of terrible films out there, mainly spin offs and reboots that are just made to generate cash.